Collected from various sources on Father's Day.
Three logicians go into a bar.
The bartender asks, "Do you all want a beer?"
The first logician says, "I don't know."
The second logician says, "I don't know."
And the third logician says, "Yes."
The nonconstructivist math Dad says, "There is a really funny joke."
The empty set is better than nothing.
The Dad followup: No! Nothing is better than the empty set!
Q: What kind of jokes do constructivists love to tell?
A: Not not jokes.
A (classical!) logician becomes a father. “Congratulations! Is it a boy or a girl?” his friends ask him. He replies: “Yes.”
"Mathematicians like to repeat: 'Anagram is an anagram of anagram'. Gives them the sense of group identity".
Infinitely many people walk into a bar. The first asks for half a glass of whisky, the second for a quarter and so on. The bartender pours a single glass. Some of the customers complain, and the bartender throws them out, saying: you have to know your limits
Biologist, physicist & mathematician see two people go into a house, then three people exit it.
B: "They must have reproduced"
P: "There must have been an error in our initial measurements"
M: "If one more person goes in, the house will be empty again."
Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
To get to the same side
An engineer and a mathematician share an office. One day, their shared wastebin catches fire, and the engineer pours his coffee on it, putting it out. The next week, the engineer is on vacation, and the wastebin catches fire again.
The mathematician goes to the kitchen, gets a cup of coffee, announces, “a solution exists!” and goes back to work.
I hate negative numbers. I will stop at nothing to avoid them.
One straight line meets another and says: “Next time we meet, beer is on me.”
A few functions are chilling at a pub. Suddenly, there’s panic: “Quick, hide! The derivatives are coming!” “I’ve nothing to worry about!” says e^x. “Nice try!” says d/dy.
What is the integral around Western Europe?
Zero, because the poles are in the East.
My wife was telling me I am of average intelligence.
Now that’s just mean.
A: Too many of these jokes have gone off at a tangent. Sine of the times
B: Why can't people just be normal?
did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same thing???
10+10 is 20 and 11+11 is 20 too
I will do algebra and number theory but graphing geometric shapes is where I draw the line.
The applications of differential geometry are manifold.
What do you get if you put root beer in a square glass? Beer.
i might be irrational, but i² can get real!
There are three types of mathematicians: Those who can count and those who can’t.
A 20Hz sine wave walks into a bar. The barman says ‘hey, why the long phase?’
What does the B in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stand for?
Benoit B Mandelbrot
A father named his son e^x. One day, the boy came back from school and asked his father for advice on how to make friends. The father replied, “my son, you have to differentiate yourself”. The boy followed his fathers advice but nothing happened.
Two plus two is five for large values of two.